Rohan's blog

How to deal with breakup with someone you love

There are many pains which you will encounter in yourlifetime. But the tough one just right after school is the first love break up.

You have never experienced it before, and everything is new.And your body and mind don’t even understand what is happening inside of you.Of course, the consequent break up hurts too. But nothing like the first crushwhere you first felt that tingle.

Break up

The most heart-wrenching feeling in the world when you areyoung is a breakup. The first feeling of vibrations when you see someone youlike is phenomenal.

As your eyes meet hers, you start to feel better, happy, andgrateful for her presence. You talk, find opportunities to interact, and thefeeling continues to grow. At most it is a crush because you don’t understand herand neither she understands you. Both of you are immature to understand what arelationship means.

But it doesn’t matter because you are finding this feelingamazing. The every day meet and every night chat help strengthen your so-calledrelationship.

You don’t love her, you like the idea of her as per yourthoughts. Since this is your first love, you don’t know what happens beyond thesuccess of a bonding.

From months to years, it starts to blossom, and if you arelucky, this relationship the first one you ever had will turn into somethingmore. But in most cases, the first love which you swore to remain the same foreternity, breaks up.

And you end up with a vacuum. She doesn’t talk with you,there is a lacking, and you don’t know what to do. The pain is unbearable andnothing of sorts which you had experienced before. You start searching forrelief…

Alcohol Or Vacation

When the pain hits, your brain seems to stop and startsmaking an irrational decision. Club that with the fact – many of your collegefriends are immature as you and you will find yourself in alcohol retreats.

Often they would entice you to drink the alcohol to forgetabout her. And since you are at the highest amount of pain, you haveencountered – you give in.

Alcohol consumption isn’t good or bad, it is your choice,but if you do it under the influence with some vague promises, then it is aslippery slope.

The next thing which so-called friends offer you is avacation. The idea is that the new place will help you cope up with the factthat she has gone out of your life. But if the whole idea of your vacation isto linger in your sadness, then the new place would look blurry to you. Allyour friends might be enjoying, and you would be questioning your approach, recreatingwhat went wrong and then crying all night.

Battle Within

But all that won’t help unless you desire to make changesfrom within. Because the pain is internal, you need a new lens ofunderstanding.

Reading books, crying out loud, and trying to see thingsrational helps. Talk with friends how you feel, learn from their pastexperience, and be open to other narratives. Yes, it hurts, and alcohol won’tsolve it. For a moment, you might feel that the problem has vanished – only tocome back later. But then you have another problem too, you are drinking toomuch alcohol.

When you are hit with a problem, the solution isn’t to shyaway from it. Instead, stick with it and then try to remain calm.

The more you think, the more it might hurt, and this processis required to make you strong and mature. Don’t let those thoughts channel anyactions, though. Think about the good times, remember all relationships come toan end – the timeline is different.

Don’t be sad that it’s over. Be happy because you got toenjoy it till it lasted. Yes, the pain is still there. Slowly, it will phaseout.

Till then, engage yourself in things you love, like cooking,dancing, or whatever. Talk with friends, family, and share your need of lovewith parents.

Change Narrative

Almost all the time, it is in your head. The narrative whichyou tell becomes the reality of yours. For example, if you keep tellingyourself that she was awesome, and it hurts that she has gone then the painwill stay longer.

Instead, you can say, it hurts, but I am happy for themoments and looking forward to a more matured relationship, career, andbecoming better.

The story you tell shouldn’t make you feel low. Instead, itshould give you the power to become the best version of yourself. And trust me,you will – persist.